I am made up happy.

Everyday there are crossroads and dead ends. Much is left to personal choice how we are going to confront it. So far, a creature of habit that I am, I am going through the cycle of repeatedly making it and breaking it- much to my dilemma and joy (depending on my success rate! Hahaha) I decided this year I will up the ante. I will not hit that dead end and I will make it over that crossroad.

Many times, we tend to overdo multitasking and presume we are superwoman et al. I know I have. I guess you could call that midlife. At thirtyish, (yes thirtyish, who are we kidding denying this??), we are midlife the average life span of this living generation. On the other hand, it’s debatable to say whether it’s at crisis level. But definitely, it is at a point where you have to make positive happy orderly changes- or lose.

Truth be told, if we don’t make it easier on ourselves, it’s most likely because we’ve undertaken simply the complicated. When you finally find yourself carrying too much at a time, consider that you have reached boiling point. Decide to cool and simmer or blow your lid off. It is good to make conscious attempts (and re-attempts haaaaay!) to achieve a sense of wellbeing and order for self. I was telling my friend Kris that I’ve made a raw decision to try and piece my life together like a weave in one place- at least in writing to begin with. The multiples of places I find myself in make it difficult even for me to find my voice. After all, I am a composition of all parts and phases of my life- beginning at home, going through work, resting on recreation and founded on my spiritual beliefs- alongside all the people I have been blessed to encounter.

I am myself, a wife and a mom foremost, a daughter and a sister, a friend, both a colleague and a peer as a working executive in a man-infested industry at work, a makeup artist unwrapping her spontaneity and a happy bookseller at last. Most of all, I am bound by my trust in God’s divine mercy and love. Leave one out and that weave is incomplete. As it is, I’m already planning to take my usual tactical risks at texture and color to life.

Life, I realized for a time now, cannot always be planned. That’s why sometimes you have to manage to find yourself in places and put the picture together. That makes up your life. Everyday is a chance to contribute to our masterpiece. I believe submitting to a higher Divine order allows God to paint His details into our bare canvass. We are placed where we need to be and we can only appreciate the beauty of life, the color or the absence of color symbolically in as far as we allow Him to take the lead.

So there are indeed potholes and bumps on my road but I’m driving steady and avoiding road rage. Submitting in absolute trust, taming myself, discovering who I am in the process and how purposeful I could make my day to be for myself, my family and others- I finally see that I am indeed and from the very beginning born to embrace joy in everything. And thats exactly what I am made of. I am made up happy.