Knowing the difference

With health issues (like my previous post partum thyroid health alert, its symptoms and after effects) come unfortunately, some bouts of depression, anxiety and lack of focus. Sometimes, it plagues me if what I was feeling on occassion are just symptoms or an actual cause. It helps to process through things by exploring the root of these feelings. You feel you are empty even if you know you are full. You feel confused even if you have your mind set on things. Many days, it feels simple and uncomplicated yet it complicates things.

Through the last months, Ive learned that the body speaks to us. It complains in form of an illness or some symptom or a feeling. Soon after, it wears the years of abuse and misuse of our physical form. You eat too much...and finally one day your heart's too full. You kept sedentary, your muscles give up. We see it in our relatives, in old people - but it doesnt scare us enough to straighten up. We see the warning signs everyday but it doesnt slow us down. My father in law spoke of an episode in Grey's Anatomy where one of the patients stoutly affirmed "You're healthy til you're not!" How true this is and how ironic, isnt it?

We all get overly wrapped up in a number called age! Yet ironically, we dont heed the signs our body gives us because we deny ourselves the profits of ageing - which I'd like to call 'wisdom to know the difference'. We get older by the year, but we never get to see the difference just yet.

Many times in now knowing the difference, what has helped me through the days, would be the times where I am able to quiet my mind long enough to listen to myself. There are also days when the comfort of our loved ones, accompanied with small talk, laughter, the greeting of good friends, true friends- enliven us. Perhaps having a reason to live beyond ourselves - is something we should all embrace. That makes life feel essentially.... purposeful.

Of all things, I find that prayer has helped me the most! Prayer centers us. Prayer connect us. Prayer envelopes us in surrender. Prayer entrusts all our concerns to God. Sadly in my weakness, I have also failed in this aspect especially when all the rest of my life blindly consumes me. I seem to end up relegating it as a scheduled appointment with God. But although, it has proved to be a struggle, it is the struggling against our spiritual lows that count. And truly I can attest, despite failing in many attempts, God has never withheld his blessings on account of my stinginess in time.

Ive been told by a very wise friend that it is unwise to take care of the body if we do not pay attention to condition of our souls. Because in the end, like in a balance sheet, you end up losing if your accounts dont balance out.

It take a conscious effort to nurture ourselves and to love our souls. As much as we engage in physical activities to strengthen our bodies and our minds, our core strength banks on the health of our souls.

Of all truths we ought to acknowledge, a healthy body and a soul in God's grace, defies bodily proportion, physical limitations, and space.

Four dress sizes in a closet and only one me

I cant believe in the last 18 months, I have practically scaled from one to four dress sizes. My dear, its even possibly six if we count the 9th and 10th month of babyland. Thanks and no thanks to pregnancy which accounted for the 2 to 4 lbs gain every month in the early 10 months (thankfully, I averaged 2 pounds a month). And then there's the phenomenon called breastfeeding for the latter 8 months, which helped bring down the pounds but at the same time, kept you a little up the charts to keep the little one's supply ample. And then there was the thyroid thing, the weight loss accompanying it was 'fun' while it lasted although as the weight came back slowly, it was accompanied by a slow anguishing disdain for every pound that made a come back.

For the love of life, no one can understand why I keep four dress sizes in my closet. That empty box has waited for months to dispose of the ones that "dont fit now but will surely fit later"...and the ones that we thought of giving away "but ill probably need some day". And who would forget the clothes that I cant give up now because "im just in the plump cycle of the month".... Thinking this through, I believe I have yet to introduce you to my three oldest friends!

Security! You always need to find something to wear.... keep the basics, have the classics or what have you!

Society! You always need something to wear that's socially 'up there', or in my vocabulary - something that makes you feel good about yourself...never mind the trend! This friend is a little menacing because you know, after awhile, your set aside budget and plunge for the next best thing....

Sanity! Above all things, you need to wear something that fits! Something that carries you throughout the bloating, the binge-ing, the bleeping cycle of your womanhood and then back!
In the see saw of things, sanity is the one friend you want to keep in your closet. Yes, its so full of stuff you like (but do they like you back on that fitting day?). If that one piece doesnt fit! Bam! Worse than a bad hair day! So above all things, I keep the dress sizes that have been with me through it all- for my sanity.

Who can blame us women for having this friendship with clothes??? We keep them or do they keep us- perhaps that ought to be the real question....

Even if we know the answers - the logical answers, the right ones, we keep the excess anyway.

Its a whole process of thinking it through and realizing what would be left of us, without the clothes.

Yes, exactly four dress sizes and only one me. Id like to keep 'me'.